I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
