I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
