You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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