Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
