I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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