One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
