Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
My pussy is not your playground.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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