God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Randomize
