come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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