Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
