haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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