she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
