Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize