do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
