Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Randomize