this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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