I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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