After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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