Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
