We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
