where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
