Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You may now shotgun with the bride
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
