I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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