so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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