Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
