turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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