And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
