he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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