Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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