he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
