dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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