If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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