he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
