2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
