is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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