boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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