that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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