i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Randomize
