i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize