I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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