Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
