Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Just pee around me
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
