so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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