We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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