omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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