yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
