Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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