i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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