She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
