whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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