What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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