Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Reggie can tackle my bush.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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