I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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