he referred to my room as the tit cave...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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