I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
