Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
