How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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