we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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