took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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