K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
