May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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