this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize