did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
