I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
