i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
