i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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