i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
