She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
