So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
