You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
