good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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