I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
