Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
