It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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