His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
