he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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