i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
