we have pet lesbian snakes
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
