every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
